I want to listen

How many people are feeling lonely tonight? How many of them are weeping?
I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are lonelier than I am tonight. I know there are millions of them whose problems, dilemma, burden, and sufferings are worse than mine. I want to talk to anyone among them and know why they are crying. Although I may not know them personally, I want to be a friend to them and let them know that there is someone in this world who's willing to listen to their pain. I want them to know that someone out here wants to give them a warm hug and let them know that God loves them despite and in spite of everything bad going on. I am here. I am sad too. But I want to listen...

Spell u-n-h-a-p-p-y

I am harboring unhappiness. I keep on trying to shake it off but it keeps on haunting me. I am in the state of uncertainty and I am losing; and every bit of it leaves me scarred. Today was another lonesome day and I am about to cry.
Lord, I need you so bad.

I'm not going to have a critical spirit

Today's word from Pastor Joel Osteen is about not having a critical spirit. He said that sometimes it doesn't really matter what's right or wrong. What matters is our relationship with people. I know that I am often very critical; not to others but to my family members, especially my mom. I always emphasize what is right, because I believe that doing the right thing is always right, of course it is. As a result, my mom and I always collide. Although I've known this long enough, I guess it is only today that it finally sank in me. My ears heard it and my heart wants to respond to that call. We can't always be right. My mom can't always be right. I can't always be right. We are all bound to make mistakes and that's because we're human. So I've decided, I'm not going to have a critical, fault-finding spirit. Like what pastor Joel said, I've been forgiven much (by GOD) so I'm going to love much.

God be with me!

Glory to God!

Psalms 14:1

The fool says in his heart, "There is no God." They are corrupt, their deeds are vile;

there is no one who does good.

Psalms 14:1

a sweet story ( from the book Become a Better You)

I just want to share a nice story from the book Become a Better You by Joel Osteen.

Christine was driving through an intersection when she accidentally turned too sharply and sideswiped another car. Worse yet, she was driving her brand-new car, a wedding gift from her husband Eric. Christine pulled over to the side of the road and the driver of the other car, an older gentleman, got out of his car and began to examine his severely damaged front bumper. He then stepped over to where Christine was sitting in her car, crying.

" Are you okay young lady?" he asked kindly.
" I'm fine," Christine sobbed, " but I just got married and my husband gave me this car as a wedding gift; he is going to be so upset. I don't know what I'm going to do."
" Oh, I'm sure it'll be okay." The older gentleman tried to console her. " Your husband will understand." They talked for a few minutes before he said, " If I could just get your insurance information, we'll exchange that, and be on our way."
" I don't even know if I have an insurance card," Christine said through her tears.
" Well it is usually in the glove compartment," the man suggested.
" Why don't you check there?"
Christine opened the glove compartment and found the owner's registration and the insurance information. Attached to the envelope containing the insurance card was a note that read, " Honey, just in case you ever have an accident, please remember I love you and not the car."

the more I try, the more I get hurt

I cannot change people. I cannot wait for them to change so that I'll be happy. I have to choose to be happy and adjust myself to them. So I have decided to change. But the more I try, the more I get hurt. Although I still find my mom's ways unacceptable, annoying and improper, I want to change. I want to go the extra mile. I want to reach out. I want to have a good relationship with her. I want to shut my mouth when I disagree. I want to pretend I didn’t see her off ways. I want to give compliments as often as I can. I want to show love all the time. After all, she is my mom. This is what I have to do. This is what I want to do. This is what God calls me to do. But the more I try, the more I get hurt.

No title

The most painful experiences I’ve had in life so far are those caused by my mom. I remember when I was in grade school; I was hotheaded and stubborn. But as I grew up and met a lot of people, and became a Christian, I was transformed. I believe. My siblings and I were close to my mom then. She was very patient, loving and really fun to be with. She was like a friend. I don’t know how and when things changed. I just know that right now, my mind is full of bad experiences with her. I am not proud of this but according to my mom, among my siblings, I am the worst child. I don’t know her categories for judging but I guess they’re: First of all, I am very open with my opinions; I mean if the food is salty, I say it’s salty. If the color of the curtain is awful, I say it. If the furniture is inappropriate, I say it. It’s not that I am being mean, I’m being honest. If something is good, I also say that it’s good. I tell her that she’s wrong if I think that she is. Everyone in the family would have the same stand most of the time, but I guess, I’m the only who didn’t learn the counter meaning of honesty or white lie. They are always mum, but I always stand my ground. I even argue with her if I have to. I hate this part of me and I swear I really want to learn to change the tunes. Secondly, I am very independent. I don’t like asking help from anyone as long as I can do it. My sisters would call my mom for some stuff they need. My brother would ask mom to prepare his food…stuff that children do... Me, although we have a helper, I wash my own clothes, I buy groceries and cook, and I clean the house. I find time to do them. And yet, she claims I am “pa-intindi”, dependent. How ironic! Lastly, I am the only Born Again Christian at home. My mom is a worker in the Catholic church. I know she feels ashamed that I am a convert now because other people are probably talking about it. But being a Christian is my joy. My life has never been this good and beautiful. My faith is the most important thing in my life and this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Other than these three, I don’t know why I am considered the black sheep. It’s really funny because at the church, office, or even overseas, I am well-loved. People think that I am a good person, faithful and sincere. Always smiling, always helping, and always thinking of others. How come my mom sees me differently? Sigh

Familia

I have been unhappy for quite a while now. I was doing okay working home based; having my own schedule, being able to save more money, getting along with my family, eating foods that aren’t from an eatery. You know the convenience of staying/ working at home. Everything was okay until I realized that my family isn’t as harmonious, cool and united as before. I have always thought that I have a great family; Not impeccable but great compare to other families. But not anymore I guess. I’m starting to lose that idea and I hate it. I remember when I was a kid, we used to go biking around the neighborhood, go jogging near Caliraya Lake and every holiday especially Christmas were well celebrated. I believe our neighbors envied us. We were like a model family. We were a picture of love, peace and happiness. Today, it's a picture of opinionated, independent, sometimes annoying and sometimes endearing grownups. Well, it’s not like I have a broken family now, but it’s not the same as it was. Anyways, every family has a flaw. Someone said, “Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts”. ~ And so me, I won’t let this imperfection rob me of my joy. This is my home. This is what God gave me and I thank Him.

Love assumes the best

Love assumes the best

Love assumes the best Love…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthian 13:7 Love has no limits. Love never says, “You’ve gone too far. I can’t love you now." “All things” means everything is included. Christlike love leaves no doubt in the mind of another that you will continue to love steadfastly. Do those close to you know that they can fail and do foolish things, yet you will not falter in love for them? Are others assured that, even when they hurt you, you still love them, holding nothing against them? Love assumes the best about others. If someone inadvertently offends you, you choose to believe the offense was unintentional. If someone seeks to harm you, you “bear all things” forgiving unconditionally. If a positive light can shed on a difficult encounter, you grasp it. If someone continually provokes you, you “endure all things.” You never lose hope in the ones you love. You practice the same unconditional love towards others that Christ gives to you. It is easy to be a Christian but living a Christian life is another thing. It is our continuous struggle til we meet the Master. Let’s keep the fight and run the race. Be with me….

25 Random things I hope/ want/ dream

25 Random things I hope/ want

1. Get married with the person who will love me all his life: D
2. Attend a worship service in Lakewood Church
3. Travel around the world
4. Build an orphanage
5. Have a real ministry in the church
6. Go to Africa
7. Study Culinary
8. Watch a real heart or brain surgery
9. See an angel
10. Run a restaurant
11. Experience working in a wet market, farm or factory for a day
12. Talk to Pres. Obama
13. Act on stage or TV
14. Have a tree house
15. See heaven for a day ( and go back to Earth again)
16. Sleep in the most expensive hotel in the world
17. Take my family to exciting vacation spots
18. Serenade my fiancé
19. Learn how to play an instrument like piano
20. Get a very romantic marriage proposal
21. See “some people” radically change
22. Be an evangelist or missionary
23. Be fluent in Korean
24. Learn martial arts
25. Be one of the happiest woman in the world, be known for her passion in serving God and be the best daughter to her parents, wife to her husband, mother to her children…etc,:D

love is love...indeed

Couple years ago, I wrote in one of my blogs a very long love letter written by my sister’s ex- boyfriend. This letter dragged a lot of comments because the question was whether to take the guy back or not. Last 2007, this guy flew all the way from New Jersey to Philippines to propose marriage to my sister but was turned down since my sister was in a relationship and according to her, she had so much anger on him. (The letter below was written that time)

Few months later, my sister’s relationship with her present boyfriend became on the rocks. I don’t know exactly how things turned sour but for me, it was God moving. He heeded my prayers and the whole congregations’ as well. hehe! ( I really prayed so hard for my sister's love life) I’ve seen a lot of men visit my house, bring flowers, chocolates and stuff but none of them ever impressed me. I mean I didn’t see anyone good enough for her. ( feeling ko manager ako ng ate ko! haha) None of them deserved my sister. She hated me for intruding in her personal love life but I’m fine with that coz my intention was good and all I care was for her to be treated well. She has a very beautiful heart and she deserves to be treated like a princess. However, there was only one guy I thought was worth it to have my sister’s love, that's "the ex-bofriend" I'm talking about.

Later on, her relationship with the present guy got worse and worse and they finally broke up. A year later, this "ex-boyfriend" came again together with his parents and with a big and beautiful diamond ring with a dozen basket of red roses and asked for my sister’s hand. Finally, after 10 long years, they’re together again, and got a YES!
P. S.
They’re going to tie the knot next month in Michigan USA.

Here’s an excerpt of that very poignant love letter :

“they say that you regret the things you don't do more than the things you do. I don't want to regret not letting you know how i really feel. so this is why I'm emailing. I don't expect anything in return...all i ask is that u hear me out. I'm not expecting you to give me another chance...God knows...maybe i don't deserve one, but i am hoping for one...and if i am lucky enough to get that chance, i promise you that things would be different. i would NOT make the same mistakes i made. maybe all of this is too little too late...but i don't care. i guess i always thought that in the end, you would be there waiting for me, I'm sorry for being so unfair. love is love, whether it be right in front of you or thousands of miles away in different countries..and who you love, is who you love. you always knew this. i don't know why it took me so long to realize this, i don't know why i kept denying this. it has always been you. You have always been my love. i still look at all our old pictures...and the one that stands out the most is the one in Pansol..me sitting on that ugly blue carpet, and you sitting in that chair, with your arms around me....my Angel's embrace. I can still feel it. i can still feel your soft skin brushing against mine....I can still feel you.Love lead me your way once..... i can only pray it be so kind enough to lead me to you once again.

love is love...indeed

I hate the world today.

I hate the world today. I hate these kinds of days when I have a lot of unnecessary things in mind. Today is one of the days when I want to run to the church, break down and cry. I have been having sleepless nights and I wish I can just evaporate and be in another place at once. I hate the way things are right now. I hate that I am indecisive. I hate that I am stuck here. I hate that I feel hurt. I hate that I am confused. I hate that I am wavering.

Lord I know that you are with me. Please enlighten my mind and strengthen my faith. I am at lost in the midst of wilderness. I am hurt and I want to cry. I know that you hear me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Obedience + Waiting

TODAY'S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Did you know that when God spoke to Noah about building the ark, it had never even rained before? Can you imagine that? Noah knew people were going to make fun of him or call him crazy. I’m sure he had every opportunity to talk himself out of it. He could have come up with plenty of excuses. But Noah didn’t do that. He recognized that God had asked him to do a difficult thing, and he chose obedience. Noah didn’t run from the challenge; he chose to believe God. Noah’s obedience is what opened the door for God to supernaturally empower him to fulfill his destiny. Now he is one of the great heroes of faith.

My thoughts: Wow! when God spoke to Noah about building the ark, it had never even rained before, moreover, it took 120 years to see that prediction about the flood to happen. If I were Noah then, I probably would have grew cold in faith and just turned away. I can't imagine waiting for 120 years while other people are staring at me thinking, I'm crazy, just because I want to obey God. Anyway, I have now learned the meaning of obedience and waiting patiently. I have realised that waiting with a hopeful and prayerful heart means blessings. If waiting is a way to be obey God, then I want to obey God just like what I am doing now.

My sister and her stuff

I woke up this morning with the annoying complaint of my sister about my mom’s good intention.
Yes, good intention! A relative was here this morning asking for some amount of money from my mom because their electric bill was already overdue which means it’s going to be disconnected anytime today unless they pay immediately. My mom borrowed money from my sister and said that she’s going to give it to that relative to leave an image of generosity before she leaves for the US this Saturday. I don’t know why my sister resented that idea and complained to me with an indignant attitude. And I was just “-. - ok…”
Few minutes later when I got out of the room, I was stun. I thought I was in some kind of a garbage disposal unit or recycling factory with lots of things scattered. I mean, my sister’s stuffs are everywhere; luggage, shoes, clothes, cosmetics, bags, laptop, - gosh! They are everywhere in the living room! And first word I said was, “you mind fixing your stuff?” . And there comes another steaming discussion. My sister said, “I’m leaving in a week so I hope you’ll just leave them alone.” So now it should be okay that the house is very sloppy and messy because someone is going abroad? -. -;; Sadly, the sleeping monster in me suddenly emerged. I just can’t tolerate irrational thinking like that. (For me it is irrational) So I told her, “even if you’re leaving tomorrow, I’ll still tell you to fix your stuff and gather them in one place. If other people comes in, can we make an excuse that our house is unclean because you’re going to the states?” And then she started crying saying I’m a dictator and I always think I am right and perfect and that she’s not going to invite people anymore for her “despida”SIGH! And then she prepped herself and went out in anger hurriedly.

Was I wrong? Again, I guess I should've just kept quiet...