Unredeemed

The rain suddenly poured like crazy and I felt really gloomy and melancholic. I thought that it would be nice to catch up on my reading. Apparently, the electric current in my small town was cut and of course it would be hard to read with candles. So I just sat on my favorite couch and inhaled the sound of the pouring rain and sentimental darkness, with a bit of a drama from my mom and dad arguing hard about something I thought was really petty. After about 20 minutes, thank God! electricity's back!

I turned my computer on and checked some of my favorite sites. God landed me on this beautiful song and I was really blessed and moved to tears. This song has the exact words I hoped to hear this time. You can listen to it here:

GOD IS INDESCRIBABLY AMAZING, indeed.

The cruelest world

The coldest heart

The deepest wound

The endless dark

The lonely ache

The burning tears

The bitter nights

The wasted years
Life breaks and falls apart

But we know these are

Places where grace is soon to be so amazingI

t may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed
For every choice that led to shame

And all the love that never came

For every vow that someone broke

And every lie that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall

But the cross says these are all

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But you never know the miracle the father has in store

Just watch and see

It will not be

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed

Restoring relationships

I love what I'm feeling right now. I'm in a moment of pure bliss and genuine peace. It's real and I love it. It's always great to see relationships being restored, indeed.

Now, it's true that no matter how difficult it is to humble yourself and make peace with people whose relationship with you has been severed (whether they hurt you or you hurt them), when it's the right time, God is going to give you the strength and love you need to enable you to fix anything that has been broken be whole again. I thank God for moving and restoring my broken relationship with some people. I thank God because HE is indeed at work in my life and He's doing such a masterpiece. I thank God for all these wonderful changes He's bringing in me and in my life. I thank God for all the happiness I've got. Glory to GOD in the highest! Halleluiah!

Forgiveness

A former colleague greeted me so casually this morning through yahoo messenger. It was a bit of a surprise since we haven’t really talked in a long time. You know that thing called “grupo” (group). She wasn’t part of my circle of friends in the office, so was I to hers. We didn’t have bad blood towards each other but we weren’t that close too. I know there were some things that my circle of friends didn’t like about her and her friends, and I’m pretty sure that her peers were also saying something about us. It’s the usual thing. Which I hate. What really surprised me was that she asked for my forgiveness. I was like…stun…” ???” why?

I asked her what is it that she’s asking for forgiveness and she said that in the past, she said bad things about me to other colleagues which were actually… wrong? misconception? misunderstanding? I told her that it’s nothing to me and that I don’t even have any kind of bitterness to anyone. I also said I’m sorry if ever there were times I “ unconsciously” offended her. Our conversation went on and on and it was really nice catching up to an old friend. I remember that she was one of those “first people” I met in the office. All the good memories came back to me and I remembered how close we were and how I didn’t notice I was drifting from that friendship.

Today I learned that
When someone said, “ it’s not what you think it is” , think it over…it may be true.
But don’t listen to everything that other people say. They may be lying.
And not because someone is loud means she’s a gossiper, likewise, not because she’s quiet means she’s kind and innocent.
Looks can be very deceiving.
Not everybody will celebrate your victory. Some will do their best to pull you down, so watch out!

I appreciate her humility to ask for my forgiveness although it wasn’t really necessary. After all, I didn't have any clue of what she did. She was really brave to confess that and I'm sure that it was her conscience, moreover God, telling him to do that.

Actually, I was the type of person who’s overly friendly, overly trusting, totally gullible and yeah, I was loud. HOwever, I can guarantee you that I don’t lie, and I don’t say nasty things to people behind their back. I just like talking to people and listening to their stories. I am happy when people achieve something. I am happy when people are in love. I am happy when people have any kind of good news. And I am also sad and affected, when people I know are sad and down. ( even if we're not close, or even if i don't know them personally). I like listening and talking about love and life. That's just me. I like talking and listening. But I was misinterpreted.

I learned my lessons the hard way.

Almost a year ago, I was betrayed and I was left in pain.

But after that, I thank God because I then realized who my real friends were and also, I learned when to shut my mouth. I may not have had any bad intentions about talking but like I said, I was misinterpreted. So it's better to talk less and get less mistakes! That makes a lot of sense!

I greatly love the fact now that I am working home based. This is my training ground- to make harmony with my mom and to use my tongue only for the glory of God.

This is my training ground and my sanctuary.

I know that this is exactly the place where God wants me to be. I’m in the right place at the right time.

Glory to God!

Isaiah 43:18-19

This morning I suddenly thought about my past that was like a horror. I immediately shook it off and prayed to God. And just seconds ago, I came across with this bible verse which I think are the exact words that God is speaking to me.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

Amen!

Wednesday thoughts

I always try to wake up with a smile on my face to invite the good spirit and inhale a beautiful life. I believe that it will affect my whole day. Sadly, for the past few months, things have become so difficult and the more wholehearted I am in welcoming the good atmosphere, the more it gets surprisingly topsy turvy. Is it really the people around me that ruin my day? Or is it me that allows them to rob me of my joy? Is it the bad situation? Or is it just me taking things so seriously when I can just shake them off? Am I really trying to turn the tide? Or am I staying in a rut? Am I changing my tunes? Or am I just talking but not really doing my best to make things work better? Sigh.

Saving Grace

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...
As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unkown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

This is what I really want to tell God. I know he hears me.

Hypocrite

I really hate hypocrites! arggh!

How do I keep loving someone like a friend or family who's a hypocrite? haizt!

Pray! pray! pray!

-.-

Tempted

I woke up this morning feeling really good. I felt the anointing of the Holy Spirit like what I posted here several hours ago. I was singing hymns, reflecting on the word, doing my job and mingling well with family members. Sadly, after a few hours of this beautiful scenery, I was tested. I was tempted and I succumbed. Last time I was in this situation, I was caught off guard and I just found myself doing what I have been struggling to obliterate in my spiritual life. It is very heartbreaking when you know you’ve done something bad and you know that God’s watching and He’s more hurt than you are. I am still wavering in my own wilderness. One day I’m home, the next day I’m lost; it’s like this again and again. I know that God is always ready to forgive and that makes me feel worse. I want to finish this race triumphantly. I want to live my life in a way that’s pleasing to Him. I want to give glory to His name by living a good life. I hope that when people see me, even without reading the gospel of Jesus, they’d be amazed at how my life has changed, at how I was radically transformed. Regrettably, even the closest people in my life can’t see it. Even I can't be positive about it. Sad.
I am writing this to remind myself of what I’ve done today, how bad I was and how sorry I am. Today is the mark of the last time I will ever do it again. God forgive me. God help me. Holy Spirit please don’t allow me to go through that test again.

Amazed

"I can't believe the way Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears
And set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You
And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire
I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You"

I was listening to this song just a while ago and I felt so good, I can't even explain it. God's love is so great. Every now and then, when I look at my life back then, how undeserving I was, yet saved by God's amazing grace, I'm still overwhelmed and close to tears. I can't believe that I am loved unconditionally. I can't exchange the life and faith I have right now for anything else in this world. I am so blessed and it's all because of God's grace and goodness. Glory to God!

Really?

One of my students said that the last time he had a bad day was many years ago, and never again after that. Is it really possible not to have a bad day ever? I really want to know.

Three weeks ago he said that he's not a whiner and that a day would pass without any single complaint. Wow! Is he a saint? I'm not mocking him or anything, but I really really wonder if that's possible...

Free talking class gone bad

I was talking to a student who's been getting on my nerves for quite a while now. I always say I am someone who is frank, worse, sometimes brutally frank. I wasn't able to control myself today and I lashed him during our class due to something I just can't stand. I was happy I did that but after a while, I wish I didn't do that.

Mr K likes blabbering about his personal life and although I don't like it, I can't do anything about it because he enrolled for 3 days business class ( M-W-F) and 2 days free talking class ( T-Th). On Tuesday and Thursday he would talk about his family, job and trips abroad. Of courese I try to introduce new topics every now and then; but I guess some people are just really into talking about themselves. It must be easier for them to divulge their life styles since we don't personally know each other.

What I didn't like today was his story of promiscuity. He told me about his vacation trips in Shanghai, Bangkok and his constant visit to red-light districts in Seoul. NO woman would want to listen to a man talk about his cheating or two-timing. I digressed but he continued with his crappy story. And then, with that serious tone of my voice, I said, " Mr K! You have a daughter right? In the future, she'll probably experience a lot of heartbreaks. Perhaps men will not take her seriously, cheat on her, make her cry; leave her miserable and devastated. And the reason is because you're sowing a seed of immorality so more likely, she'll reap it in the future". He was so surprised when I said that so he lashed back and said, "do you have a boyfriend? maybe he's doing the same thing". Whoa!!! I should have just kept quiet. Arrggh!!!

Anyway, I don't trust anyone but God. I know my boyfriend very well and by any measure he's the most beautiful person I 've ever met and I don't need to doubt him or anything.

Sigh. Next time he'd talk about "that" I hope to have the courage to talk about God and not be judgmental.