Chuseok

I think that I should really blog again. I’m super duper busy but I think that blogging would help me in some ways. I don’t really need an outlet for releasing stress because I can always vent on hubby or just watch Naruto online. Hehe!

Anyways, I will try to write as much as I can. Although my blog’s title is about surrendering to God since I originally thought of writing about my faith life and ministry, I will probably write just about anything…as in anything. That way, I can write more often.

Anyways, Chuseok (Thanksgiving) is around the corner again. I don’t really enjoy holidays in Korea as I have to go to the province and beat the several hours drive. My relatives from my late father’s side are kind and warm. My cousins can speak English too, so it’s not really uncomfortable to stay with them for a few days. Talking about the chores, well, we all share the errands and my “ komo” ( youngest aunt), “keun omoni” ( eldest aunt) and of course my “ si omoni” mother-in-law are very considerate that they don’t really want me or other daughter’s-in-law to carry out most of the chores. But of course, we still help in any way we can. But then again, this is not my idea of spending holidays. ;) I miss the holidays back home where my two sisters Rhia, Rachel and I cook varieties of food and kind of compete which one is the best. And all we have to do is cook and eat because the cleaning and washing of dishes is someone else’s duty. Sigh. I hope I can just stay at home and be a couch potato or hibernate for 3 days or perhaps do some movie marathon or maybe cook some new recipes. But I can’t!

Well, well, well, I’m here Korea and the only thing I can do to stay happy is to accept that it’s gonna be this way every single year. I’m brains aren’t stubborn so I surely can handle well my second Thanksgiving here in the Land of the Morning Calm. =) Good night everyone!

Here are some photos from last year's Thanksgiving day.

See, I still managed to smile although we drove for 10 hours and slept for only 4 hours.

bad posture.. tsk!

I decided to blog again.

I've been pondering for months now whether to blog again or not. You see my last blog was 14 months ago. holy! haha! So what in the world had gotten into me and pushed me back into writing again!? Uhm, first, I really like writing, although I admit I'm not a very good writer. I can't choose the right words to say and I'm so not eloquent, but who cares? this is my blog and I have no readers anyways! LOL!

Second, yeah yeah, I need an outlet ( aside from FB) on stressful times like this. =)

1-6

It's 2010...wow!

haven't written in a long while...

here are the things that happened for the last few months which i've been meaning to write but had been to lazy to do so.

1. I celebrated Christmas with my relatives in Bulacan and it was a bit sad because bf and I weren't able to have a video call since he was on a business trip in Indonesia.
2. My bestfriend is getting married on January 30, and I am her bridesmaid.
3. The couple who I mentioned in my previous post about the sudden postponement of their wedding ( due to guy's parents sudden disapproval), fortunately, after all the roller coaster ride of pain and heartbreak had things fixed and finally got married.
4. My sister already got her green card.
5. My 2 computers suddenly broke and I was so frustrated.
6. Bf came to visit me and we went to Hong Kong for a vacation. We had the best time of our lives.

I guess that's just all. Ah...Almost two weeks ago, the helper in my friend's house made a gossip about me. Euh! It's been a year since I got hurt from gossips like that. Well...jealous people are everywhere. Liars are everywhere. As for me, I love life. I love people. I am blessed. And I am grateful to God for everything.

Our dog just died

Our dog just died............ huhuhu
sad sad sad.....sniff sniff sniff

How come there's no vet here in my town? haist!

Untitled

I think I'm upset. I just don't really know yet why. Sigh
Or is it just me? Sigh
Life's crazy

Family Outing

I'm a certified Family Outing fan/ addict.

I miss clumsy Chunhee. =(

Dae-sung is really really cute. 0.0v

Jae-suk is the funniest and absolutely the best Korean MC! ^^

and the rest of them are all hilarious!


p.s
thanks to ~ ramensoupsubs!~ for posting the vids. kudos!

Disappointments come from people.

Joyce Meyer said that most of our disappointments come from people. I never really thought about this but immediately after she said this, I was caught, and I told myself. Oh, boy, yes it's true!

She said that 'if we expect on people, we are setting our foot on being disappointed'.

Of course circumstances get us frustrated and downhearted but looking at it deeply, it's true that most of our disappointments come from people.

Just come to think of this,

* You wake up hungry one particular morning. You're used to eating breakfast by 8:00 AM, but nobody knows why there's NO breakfast on this particular day. You're mom is nowhere to be found and you start gnashing your teeth, wondering where your MOM is and why she didn't prepare your breakfast. See, there's disappointment and frustration.

* Anniversary. You expect your husband to do something grand or at least get you a movie ticket or reservation to your favorite restaurant, however when he comes home, just when you thought he will surprise you, you were the one who got totally surprised because he came home empty handed and completely clueless about your anniversary. Disappoinment.

I've just come to realize that most of my frustrations when I was still living with mom was because of my high expectations towards her. I drew a picture of a great mother in my mind, and just because she didn't meet my expectations, I was always angry at her and thought that she wasn't good. But now, I've realized I was so wrong. My mom is a great woman. She has imperfections of course, but she is always kind and understanding. She had her shortcomings but she's always been devoted to our family. Our opinions and perspectives may be world's apart but she is after all my mother. I am her daughter and it is just right that I take my part in understanding and loving her for whoever she is.

Way back into love

I have been dealing with lots of things since I started working homebased. There's mom who's always nagging, dad who's a little untidy, brother who's lazy, bf who's million miles away, internet that's very often intermittent, brownouts, hot weather, no social life, church that's 3 hours away, can't go to my favorite restaurants in the city, can't even get a Starbucks coffee, students who are freaking annoying at times. I swear I can go on and on and on. I've got so many things going on that's been driving me insane. I've been whining about every single matter. And I thought....' God, I'm tired. ' 'What happened to the things you taught me.' 'Where's all the joy and patience and kindness and gentleness and love and self-control that I used to have?' I'm tired. And the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, 'well, you still have all those things. It's the way you see things; and the way you're seeing your situation is way low. Where you are right now is exactly where God wants you to be. It's your training ground.'

Thanks to my daily dose of Joyce Meyer.

Glory to God who never gets tired of me and never fails to remind me of my purpose; who constantly loves me unconditionally despite of who I am and what I've done.

I'm half way back to my real self and I'm glad.

Glory to God in the Highest!

"what you pray for reveals your heart"

Joyce Meyer has always been one of my favorite preachers eversince. I used to watch her in RPN channel 9 every 9:30 AM. ( I'm not sure if it's still in the same channel and time now). For me, she is one of the most excellent preachers when it comes to teaching Christian life. She has a very good way of combining boldness and humor in teaching Christian living which will really make you want to meditate on the word of God, introspect and check your lifestyle as a Christian. However, I discontinued listening to her daily broadcast for quite sometime because I've begun to fall in love with Pastor Joel Osteen (ministry ) who is equally a great speaker.

Couple days ago, I thought of listening to Joyce Meyer's broadcast again through live video streaming online. And again, I am so amazed of the rich contents of her sermon plus her ever splendid style of preaching the gospel.

After I listened to the second part of her sermon this evening, " Character traits of an excellent man" , here's one point that caught me.

"what you pray for reveals your heart"

Listen to you heart and you will know more about yourself. Look at the prayers of Paul and Jesus. ( Ephesian 3:16- 19, Philippians 3:10, Philippians 1:9-11, Matthew 5:44 Colossians 1:9- 12, Matthew 26:41)

Tonight before we all go to bed, let's check on what's in our prayer list.

Is it mostly material? Is it all about ourselves? Is it all about the world? Is it all about getting ahead?

But this is Paul's prayer ' and it is my prayer, that your love may abound more and more...that I may be pure and blameless...filled with fruit of righteosness that comes through Jesus Christ.'

To God be the glory! Amen!

Creamy Macaroni Soup and Ube-macapuno from Red Ribbon

I've got a nasty cold. Ugh! I hate it. I don't remember the last time I had a cold so this thing is unusual to me and it makes me feel so sick. hehe! like a child..Anyways, it also makes me miss bf. If he were here, I'm sure he'd buy me my favorite Ube-macapuno cake from Red Ribbon and Creamy Macaroni soup from Jollibee.

I miss Sunday School

Part of my ministry in the church was teaching Sunday School Children. I love children and I love the fact that I am one of those people who share the gospel to those innocent minds. In a way, I am molding them to become Christ-like. Apparently, I had no choice but to stop teaching them when I decided to work homebased.

Anyway, this video was taken in Chungju, South Korea. I taught the Sunday School kids there a few songs when I visited their church.

P.S it's my voice in the background, so please just smile and never mind the fact that I am one and a half notes short.

You'll never really know what will happen next.

You don't really know what will happen next.

I learned today that a couple who's been friends with J and I for quite a long while had to put off their supposedly January wedding because the guy's parents suddenly had a change of heart... Can you imagine that? They've been together for 7 or 8 years. The guy's parents have always loved her like a daughter -in- law even without the wedding yet.....and then just because she had said ' something' that his parents didn't like, they just stopped ' liking/ loving ' her?! eh? in the middle of all the wedding preparations?! they just blew away 7 years and everything they knew about her are just 'changed'?! I really wonder what 'words' could possible change their thinking about her. What kind of 'words' could possibly make them call off the wedding. Sigh

My new hobby~

I have a new hobby.
Guess what?! ......................................................................................
D R A W I N G.

Yes! Drawing! Who would have thought I'd be interested in drawing? hehe! I'm not very good at it but I'm enjoying it, right now. Anyway, I know that this is just for a while.

Actually, cooking is my real first love. Sadly, I can't cook now as much as I did when I was in the city, 'coz a lot of ingredients aren't available in the local market. It's so frustrating. So instead of being crabby, I've decided to diverge my attention into something really new, that is drawing. I'm lovin' it. =)

My Church in Antipolo

I was really excited to go to church this morning and thank God 'coz my hunger and thirst for worship was quenched. My mother church is 3 hours away from home and it's really expensive and inconvenient to go there every Sunday as much as I want to. It is a missionary church which is located in a poor area somewhere in Antipolo. People there are way generous, warm and kind. I love that place so much although I've broken maybe 5 pairs of shoes (heels and trainers) in a year because the road is muddy and rocky. =(

The moment I arrived at the church, children welcomed me warmly. " teacher rayanne!!!" They kept on hugging me and kissing me. awww...children...I love them. They can turn my gray sky into blue. They can fly me over to the moon. I'm just happy that they haven't forgotten me. I used to teach Sunday School Children and Young People a year and a half ago and I started being a mushroom church member in January when I began working homebased. I missed them a lot.

Anyways, I felt home even for few hours. I had so much laughter, anointing and grace. It's really different when you're attending worship in your mother church.

My pastor was so glad that I visited so he prepared a little lunch fellowship for us which he doesn't normally do on Sundays since the church's budget is kind of tight. My pastor must've really love me as a member.

Have a blessed Sunday everyone! oops! Should I say 'have a great week everyone!' hehe!

Bad Day

A lot of things happened today. Not so significant but, ugh!

One. I got up at 5, as usual, and I was really thirsty! What's up with the muggy weather lately? Few days back I was already feelin' the chilling breeze of Christmas, but for the past 3 days, it's sweltering again. Well, I've no control over it so smile girl! =)

Two. I went on with my classes and one student who's been constantly bugging me for quite sometime now, again, infuriated me. Argh! Okay, that's the second. I'm not going to talk about the reason why.

Third. Brownout! They're fixing the electric lines again so electric power was off for around 5 hours. Thank God! coz last time was for 12 hours. -.- Whew! Breath...relax..smile! There was nothing to do so I decided to cook tuna penne. The taste was fantastic! Of course I cooked it. wahaha! (gloating)

Fourth. There goes my mom..again and again and again.....ughhh!!! zip your mouth now.

Fifth. My knight in shining armor to save the day. =) Thank God I have someone like him. Always present. Always on time. Always handsome. Always loving. Always caring. Always capable of taming the monster in me when it's about to arise.

'FILIPINOS' chocolate bar

Why not diba..I wonder if it's masarap. hehe

My FARM

okay! so here's my 'own farm' and I so love it. =)

You can see that I put lots of white roses and tulips because they're my favorites. I'd like to add some more decorations and architectural style ( naks! ) but like I said, I'm not very creative so perhaps next time. The most essential part of my farm is the line JESUS SAVES. Actually,I first wrote, I HEART JESUS. But then I thought, so? okay I love Jesus but then what? I'm not proclaiming the message of the gospel in that case I guess. So, it's now Jesus Saves, after all that's what I really meant to say. Surprisingly, I've been getting messages saying that my farm is beautiful. Hmmm.. I think that it's not compare to other's farm, but what makes it 'extra' beautiful is the name Jesus on it. Glory to God!!! =)

Farmtown

Here's a picture of SuzieQ's farm which i thought is simply amazing! I 've been playing FT for almost a month now and I've been thinking of how I can declare my faith through my farm like this. Unfortunately, I've been really tied up lately, I couldn't decorate my farm nicely. I have 639, 053 coins and I'm at level 27 which means I can buy many stuff to put in my farm but I need a lot of time to do that.

Anyway, the point of this post, is that I admire SuzieQ for her way of telling the world about Jesus. I'm sure God is smiling on her because she's not only playing, she's also evangelizing. Good joob Suzie!

Unredeemed

The rain suddenly poured like crazy and I felt really gloomy and melancholic. I thought that it would be nice to catch up on my reading. Apparently, the electric current in my small town was cut and of course it would be hard to read with candles. So I just sat on my favorite couch and inhaled the sound of the pouring rain and sentimental darkness, with a bit of a drama from my mom and dad arguing hard about something I thought was really petty. After about 20 minutes, thank God! electricity's back!

I turned my computer on and checked some of my favorite sites. God landed me on this beautiful song and I was really blessed and moved to tears. This song has the exact words I hoped to hear this time. You can listen to it here:

GOD IS INDESCRIBABLY AMAZING, indeed.

The cruelest world

The coldest heart

The deepest wound

The endless dark

The lonely ache

The burning tears

The bitter nights

The wasted years
Life breaks and falls apart

But we know these are

Places where grace is soon to be so amazingI

t may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed
For every choice that led to shame

And all the love that never came

For every vow that someone broke

And every lie that gave up hope

We live in the shadow of the fall

But the cross says these are all

Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But when anything that’s shattered is laid before the lord

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed
Places where grace is soon to be so amazing

It may be unfulfilled

It may be unrestored

But you never know the miracle the father has in store

Just watch and see

It will not be

Just watch and see

It will not be unredeemed

Restoring relationships

I love what I'm feeling right now. I'm in a moment of pure bliss and genuine peace. It's real and I love it. It's always great to see relationships being restored, indeed.

Now, it's true that no matter how difficult it is to humble yourself and make peace with people whose relationship with you has been severed (whether they hurt you or you hurt them), when it's the right time, God is going to give you the strength and love you need to enable you to fix anything that has been broken be whole again. I thank God for moving and restoring my broken relationship with some people. I thank God because HE is indeed at work in my life and He's doing such a masterpiece. I thank God for all these wonderful changes He's bringing in me and in my life. I thank God for all the happiness I've got. Glory to GOD in the highest! Halleluiah!

Forgiveness

A former colleague greeted me so casually this morning through yahoo messenger. It was a bit of a surprise since we haven’t really talked in a long time. You know that thing called “grupo” (group). She wasn’t part of my circle of friends in the office, so was I to hers. We didn’t have bad blood towards each other but we weren’t that close too. I know there were some things that my circle of friends didn’t like about her and her friends, and I’m pretty sure that her peers were also saying something about us. It’s the usual thing. Which I hate. What really surprised me was that she asked for my forgiveness. I was like…stun…” ???” why?

I asked her what is it that she’s asking for forgiveness and she said that in the past, she said bad things about me to other colleagues which were actually… wrong? misconception? misunderstanding? I told her that it’s nothing to me and that I don’t even have any kind of bitterness to anyone. I also said I’m sorry if ever there were times I “ unconsciously” offended her. Our conversation went on and on and it was really nice catching up to an old friend. I remember that she was one of those “first people” I met in the office. All the good memories came back to me and I remembered how close we were and how I didn’t notice I was drifting from that friendship.

Today I learned that
When someone said, “ it’s not what you think it is” , think it over…it may be true.
But don’t listen to everything that other people say. They may be lying.
And not because someone is loud means she’s a gossiper, likewise, not because she’s quiet means she’s kind and innocent.
Looks can be very deceiving.
Not everybody will celebrate your victory. Some will do their best to pull you down, so watch out!

I appreciate her humility to ask for my forgiveness although it wasn’t really necessary. After all, I didn't have any clue of what she did. She was really brave to confess that and I'm sure that it was her conscience, moreover God, telling him to do that.

Actually, I was the type of person who’s overly friendly, overly trusting, totally gullible and yeah, I was loud. HOwever, I can guarantee you that I don’t lie, and I don’t say nasty things to people behind their back. I just like talking to people and listening to their stories. I am happy when people achieve something. I am happy when people are in love. I am happy when people have any kind of good news. And I am also sad and affected, when people I know are sad and down. ( even if we're not close, or even if i don't know them personally). I like listening and talking about love and life. That's just me. I like talking and listening. But I was misinterpreted.

I learned my lessons the hard way.

Almost a year ago, I was betrayed and I was left in pain.

But after that, I thank God because I then realized who my real friends were and also, I learned when to shut my mouth. I may not have had any bad intentions about talking but like I said, I was misinterpreted. So it's better to talk less and get less mistakes! That makes a lot of sense!

I greatly love the fact now that I am working home based. This is my training ground- to make harmony with my mom and to use my tongue only for the glory of God.

This is my training ground and my sanctuary.

I know that this is exactly the place where God wants me to be. I’m in the right place at the right time.

Glory to God!

Isaiah 43:18-19

This morning I suddenly thought about my past that was like a horror. I immediately shook it off and prayed to God. And just seconds ago, I came across with this bible verse which I think are the exact words that God is speaking to me.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”

Isaiah 43:18-19

Amen!

Wednesday thoughts

I always try to wake up with a smile on my face to invite the good spirit and inhale a beautiful life. I believe that it will affect my whole day. Sadly, for the past few months, things have become so difficult and the more wholehearted I am in welcoming the good atmosphere, the more it gets surprisingly topsy turvy. Is it really the people around me that ruin my day? Or is it me that allows them to rob me of my joy? Is it the bad situation? Or is it just me taking things so seriously when I can just shake them off? Am I really trying to turn the tide? Or am I staying in a rut? Am I changing my tunes? Or am I just talking but not really doing my best to make things work better? Sigh.

Saving Grace

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know you more...
As the waters cover the sea,
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on,
Roads unkown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My endless love
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with You
My one desire
My only truth
Deeper and deeper I'm falling in love with you

I will rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

This is what I really want to tell God. I know he hears me.

Hypocrite

I really hate hypocrites! arggh!

How do I keep loving someone like a friend or family who's a hypocrite? haizt!

Pray! pray! pray!

-.-

Tempted

I woke up this morning feeling really good. I felt the anointing of the Holy Spirit like what I posted here several hours ago. I was singing hymns, reflecting on the word, doing my job and mingling well with family members. Sadly, after a few hours of this beautiful scenery, I was tested. I was tempted and I succumbed. Last time I was in this situation, I was caught off guard and I just found myself doing what I have been struggling to obliterate in my spiritual life. It is very heartbreaking when you know you’ve done something bad and you know that God’s watching and He’s more hurt than you are. I am still wavering in my own wilderness. One day I’m home, the next day I’m lost; it’s like this again and again. I know that God is always ready to forgive and that makes me feel worse. I want to finish this race triumphantly. I want to live my life in a way that’s pleasing to Him. I want to give glory to His name by living a good life. I hope that when people see me, even without reading the gospel of Jesus, they’d be amazed at how my life has changed, at how I was radically transformed. Regrettably, even the closest people in my life can’t see it. Even I can't be positive about it. Sad.
I am writing this to remind myself of what I’ve done today, how bad I was and how sorry I am. Today is the mark of the last time I will ever do it again. God forgive me. God help me. Holy Spirit please don’t allow me to go through that test again.

Amazed

"I can't believe the way Your love has got a hold on me
Each morning I wake to find You near
You lift me above my fears
And set my feet on solid ground
All of my days belong to You
And I breathe in Your breath of life that fills my heart
You are my all consuming fire
I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You"

I was listening to this song just a while ago and I felt so good, I can't even explain it. God's love is so great. Every now and then, when I look at my life back then, how undeserving I was, yet saved by God's amazing grace, I'm still overwhelmed and close to tears. I can't believe that I am loved unconditionally. I can't exchange the life and faith I have right now for anything else in this world. I am so blessed and it's all because of God's grace and goodness. Glory to God!

Really?

One of my students said that the last time he had a bad day was many years ago, and never again after that. Is it really possible not to have a bad day ever? I really want to know.

Three weeks ago he said that he's not a whiner and that a day would pass without any single complaint. Wow! Is he a saint? I'm not mocking him or anything, but I really really wonder if that's possible...

Free talking class gone bad

I was talking to a student who's been getting on my nerves for quite a while now. I always say I am someone who is frank, worse, sometimes brutally frank. I wasn't able to control myself today and I lashed him during our class due to something I just can't stand. I was happy I did that but after a while, I wish I didn't do that.

Mr K likes blabbering about his personal life and although I don't like it, I can't do anything about it because he enrolled for 3 days business class ( M-W-F) and 2 days free talking class ( T-Th). On Tuesday and Thursday he would talk about his family, job and trips abroad. Of courese I try to introduce new topics every now and then; but I guess some people are just really into talking about themselves. It must be easier for them to divulge their life styles since we don't personally know each other.

What I didn't like today was his story of promiscuity. He told me about his vacation trips in Shanghai, Bangkok and his constant visit to red-light districts in Seoul. NO woman would want to listen to a man talk about his cheating or two-timing. I digressed but he continued with his crappy story. And then, with that serious tone of my voice, I said, " Mr K! You have a daughter right? In the future, she'll probably experience a lot of heartbreaks. Perhaps men will not take her seriously, cheat on her, make her cry; leave her miserable and devastated. And the reason is because you're sowing a seed of immorality so more likely, she'll reap it in the future". He was so surprised when I said that so he lashed back and said, "do you have a boyfriend? maybe he's doing the same thing". Whoa!!! I should have just kept quiet. Arrggh!!!

Anyway, I don't trust anyone but God. I know my boyfriend very well and by any measure he's the most beautiful person I 've ever met and I don't need to doubt him or anything.

Sigh. Next time he'd talk about "that" I hope to have the courage to talk about God and not be judgmental.

I want to listen

How many people are feeling lonely tonight? How many of them are weeping?
I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who are lonelier than I am tonight. I know there are millions of them whose problems, dilemma, burden, and sufferings are worse than mine. I want to talk to anyone among them and know why they are crying. Although I may not know them personally, I want to be a friend to them and let them know that there is someone in this world who's willing to listen to their pain. I want them to know that someone out here wants to give them a warm hug and let them know that God loves them despite and in spite of everything bad going on. I am here. I am sad too. But I want to listen...