Tempted

I woke up this morning feeling really good. I felt the anointing of the Holy Spirit like what I posted here several hours ago. I was singing hymns, reflecting on the word, doing my job and mingling well with family members. Sadly, after a few hours of this beautiful scenery, I was tested. I was tempted and I succumbed. Last time I was in this situation, I was caught off guard and I just found myself doing what I have been struggling to obliterate in my spiritual life. It is very heartbreaking when you know you’ve done something bad and you know that God’s watching and He’s more hurt than you are. I am still wavering in my own wilderness. One day I’m home, the next day I’m lost; it’s like this again and again. I know that God is always ready to forgive and that makes me feel worse. I want to finish this race triumphantly. I want to live my life in a way that’s pleasing to Him. I want to give glory to His name by living a good life. I hope that when people see me, even without reading the gospel of Jesus, they’d be amazed at how my life has changed, at how I was radically transformed. Regrettably, even the closest people in my life can’t see it. Even I can't be positive about it. Sad.
I am writing this to remind myself of what I’ve done today, how bad I was and how sorry I am. Today is the mark of the last time I will ever do it again. God forgive me. God help me. Holy Spirit please don’t allow me to go through that test again.